Okay, so anyone who listens to that podcast we do knows that I’ve had a few choice words for those jokers out there at ‘1 Infinite Loop‘. I mean, don’t get me wrong… Apple makes a fine damn product. I just have an issue with rendering each previous hardware revision obsolete every time you make an update*. That’s why I can’t wrap my head around people running out and buying their stuff every time they add a new bell or whistle. It’s like Mac users are just asking to be crapped on. But I digress…

Recently, my boss was making changes to our company cell phone plan and decided to get us all iPhones for work. Initially I declined this offer as I really dislike cell phones anyway. The free one I got from AT&T was doing a fine job of text messaging my wife dirty messages during lunch and that was pretty much all I needed it for. Well, through some cosmic twist of fate I ended up with a brand new iPhone in my hands. After spending a couple weeks with it I think I’m in a position to write up some thoughts about it.

First of all, the iPhone is a pretty solid piece of hardware. It’s got some weight to it and doesn’t feel like your average cell-phone at all. The screen is bright and very pretty to gaze at. Surprisingly, it really doesn’t even get all that smudged. One of the first things you’ll want to do is run out and drop some money on a nice cover for it. I got one of those iPhone condoms from Best Buy for roughly $15. There are more expensive ones, but unless you’re compensating for a tiny dick you really don’t need to shell out any more than $15-25 for one. I mean for Christ’s sake, what are you going to be doing with this goddamn thing anyway?

So lets talk about Applications. Apple added a brand new category to the Trojan Horse, er… iTunes Store for aspiring developers to sell (or give away) their creations to the legions of Mac users. Honestly, I think this is my favorite thing about the iPhone. I’ve found some really fantastic apps out there and most of them were free. The first one I downloaded (of course) was the World of Warcraft Character viewer and Realm Status application. I also grabbed the Facebook and Twitter apps, cause I’m all Internet like that. However, one of the coolest ones I’ve seen to date has been Pandora. Basically Pandora is a light-weight version of Last.fm that allows you to stream your custom internet radio station to your phone over WiFi or 3G. Theres also a web version of Pandora that syncs up, allowing you to play your station through a web browser. Hell, I could write a whole article about Pandora because its really that awesome. Go check it out before the goddamn music industry taxes it to death.

Theres a ton of features I don’t want to dwell on too much like Safari (internets), Weather, Calendar, etc. Its fun to surf the internet in the bathroom, however, since its a work phone I’ve respectfully steered clear of the porn sites. Theres also built-in YouTube functionality so you can watch ‘I can break these cuffs‘ in the parking lot of your local 7-11. God bless technology.

So you know that by buying an iPhone you’re essentially buying the latest iPod too right? Apple has even made it possible for you to buy iTunes music right off the store through your phone, eliminating the need for a computer inbetween. Still, all the cool kids are buying their music off Amazon anyway because they don’t put DRM on the files. The even cooler kids are probably using Bit Torrent anyway, so don’t worry about it too much. The iPhone works great for video podcasts and shows, you may want to go download the latest episode of GFGames and try it out for yourself. Like i said earlier, the screen is beautiful… I watched the entire season of The Guild on it last weekend and it looked fantastic.

Okay, shit is about to get real. The thing i like the least about this thing is the friggin’ phone itself. I mean, it’s a goddamn phone, why is it so difficult to make a phone call with this thing? I swear you have to hit like 5 buttons just to see a keypad, and forget trying to find someone in your contacts list to call… it’s an enormous pain in the ass. The text messaging is adequate, but apparently Apple thinks every body has fingertips with the diameter of the eraser on a #2 pencil. The keypad (while revolutionary) is a total mess to use if you’re in a hurry. I constantly hit the wrong keys and the word completion thing seems to have a demented sense of humor about what words it’s going to fill in for me. in the past 2 weeks I’ve probably made less than 5 calls with this thing. I really just don’t care for the phone at all.

Then again, I also hate cell phones. I’ve pretty much held the opinion that they’re good in a pinch when you’re broken down in Jebumbafuck, NJ or you forgot what brand of tampons your wife uses and people are staring at you in CVS. Other than that, I really don’t feel that compelled to speak to anyone when I’m “out and about”. Based on most of the inane shit-babble I hear other people talking about into their phones I get the feeling that I’m not really missing much. Don’t even get me started on the Schizophrenics with those things in their ears. Let me just say, unless your job involves monitoring space ships taking off or your name is Jack Baur… you have no business wearing that thing in your ear while you’re buying cat litter at Target.

Oh yeah, I was talking about the iPhone wasn’t I? Well, heres the deal… chances are if you’re a ‘Mac‘ you already have one, or you’re planning on getting one soon. If you’re not, I’d say go over to your local Apple Store and poke around with one. Personally I’d probably just buy the new iPod Touch instead and ditch all the phone crap. You still get the Wifi, Applications and all the other fun stuff. You’re gonna need AT&T with this guy, unless you’re one of those shady-ass people who watch Systm and sit around cracking shit all day. So if you have a contract with another provider, you may want to look into their iPhone-a-like instead.

Anyway, I’m tired of talking about this thing. So that’s that.

*Yes this is an exaggeration for comedic effect, settle down Mac guy.