The Top 10 Most Rad Mustaches In Gaming
It has been said that the only way to become a real man in this world is to grow a mustache. The mustache is probably one of the greatest weapons known to man. Lets face it, would you pick a fight with a dude who has a mustache? I didn’t think so. Because the ’stache is the most manly creation in the entire universe, it is no surprise that some of gaming’s most iconic characters have rocked a mustache like it’s nobodies business. Some use their mustache for evil, others for good, but all of them are awesome. Join me as we take a look at the 10 best mustaches in gaming.
Peppy Hare has grown old in the Star Fox series. He doesn’t pilot an arwing, but he sure does pilot one hell of a mustache. I imagine it must be hard as balls to grow a mustache when your body is already completely covered in fur, so you at least have to raise one up for Peppy regardless of how poorly it turned out in the end.
Is it any surprise that the highest being of the entire universe has a mustache? The King can get away with wearing tight purple pants because he knows damn well that as long as he sports that mustache, he can wear whatever the hell he wants and still look like a champ.
What is a man without a mustache? A miserable pile of secrets. A guy with a mustache is honest and forward and always brings his A game. The reason Dracula keeps waking up every 100 years is because he’s hoping to fight a Belmont whose stache is equal in power to his. With the leads of Castlevania becoming less dudish as the series goes on, looks like this will never happen. Julius Belmont gave it his best shot, but Dracula incarnate, Soma Cruz, beat him to the punch.
Sorry, I grew up with Sonic the Hedgehog and I’m never going to call Dr. Robotnik by the name of “Eggman.” Dr. Robotnik is actually just a mustache with eye balls, and I imagine if he turns his head quick enough he could probably stab someone’s eye balls out. Sonic games are pretty terrible these days, but they get automatic points because of this mustache. Seriously, reviewers won’t tell you, but it’s the only reason a Sonic game gets over a 1.0 these days.
You know, if my stache looked like that I’d probably build Gutsman to take over the world as well. Wily has been sporting his stache for well over two decades now, and Mega Man just can’t seem to put a stop to it. In only a few short weeks, his stache is at it again with Megaman 9, and I can’t wait.
You pretty much don’t go near this guy. Put yourself in the shoes of the bad guys in this game. From a distance you see the stache, you fear it, you tremble as you get closer, and just when you realize you’ll never grow a mustache quite like that, he stabs you right in the gut. Your last dying thought is knowing you’ll never have a chance of growing such a beast. Meanwhile, snipers are shooting bullets at this guy, but they miss him because even the bullets fear his mustache. You just don’t mess with this guy. You don’t.
Solid Snake has always been know for sporting his mullet, but in Metal Gear Solid 4, Snake stepped it up and equipped a fancy new mustache to go along with his graying mullet. It’s true that if you’re in a Hideo Kojima game and make it past the age of 50 that you automatically earn yourself a mustache. Hell, I grew one just playing the game, but that’s probably because I was glued to the TV for hours. I tell people it was the great game design, and amazing graphics, but I really just couldn’t get enough of Snake’s mustache.
Who would have thought that the most successful and well recognized fictional characters in the world would be sporting a mustache? I sure did. The Mario Brothers proved that kids didn’t want your traditional comic book character for a hero. No, they wanted real men, and the Mario Brothers deliver that in spades. The Mario Brothers have what is probably the most iconic mustache in gaming history, but they don’t quite make my top two for reasons you’re about to find out.
Mayor of Metro City, Mike Haggar, is a complete and total bad ass for lack of better words. To be honest, words have yet to be invented that describe just how amazing Haggar really is. When Mike Haggar isn’t making commands in the office to help run Metro City, he’s out on the streets cleaning up the town with his fists and fury. Just imagine for a second that Batman was the mayor of Gotham City, and you pretty much have Mike Haggar. Part Politician, part Super Hero, all mustache.
It was hard to put Metal Gear’s Revolver/Liquid Ocelot ahead of Haggar, but it is Ocelot’s finely combed handlebar mustache that takes number one. It’s obvious that Ocelot’s mustache is just as important to him as his guns. Take a look at this list and try telling me there isn’t a more well groomed stache on this page. Just look at that thing. I just want to grab onto it and ride off into the sunset never to return.
Got a favorite mustache? Let’s hear about it!
